Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Reading Blogs - Comforting AND Scary

So I've been reading a ton of blogs about IVF.. so many different backgrounds, stories & outcomes. Many have been successful, many have not & many are still in limbo. As I am a complete virgin to IVF, I must say it's a tad overwhelming. I become down after reading how women are on IVF #4, #5, etc. with still no baby. Then there are the heartbreaking tales of IVF working only to miscarry. My goal in becoming part of this community was to educate myself, but also to not feel alone in wondering if I will ever become a mother. Don't misunderstand...I adore all the blogs & anxiously await updates on all of them, but is it a case of too much information in the age of the internet? Is ignorance bliss? Can't someone just tell me that IVF will work for me & that I will carry the baby to term!?!?

On a horribly sad note, my dad's brother died unexpectedly this morning of a massive heart attack. I am worried about my dad - he had quadruple bypass surgery 7 yrs ago & I'm sure this has him thinking about his own mortality. Plus this was the brother he was closest to - the one that always made him laugh. I am headed down to my hometown tomorrow for the viewing in the p.m. & the service in the a.m. next day. This will only be the 2nd time I've returned there since my mom died 4 1/2 yrs ago and I'm already anticipating the breaking of my heart once again. So many reminders & too many "in my face" memories...how people ever remain in the same city (much less, house) where their deceased loved one died is beyond my comprehension. Thank God I have Stark; otherwise I probably wouldn't even go. He is my rock & it's days like today that I'm keenly aware of how lucky I am to have him.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Whirlwind



We received all the IVF medications yesterday as expected - all $3800 worth. I hadn't really thought about how I'd feel.... it was sort of a rush & now everything is really real! Little did the fedex delivery guy know he was giving me the key to our possible baby. ha ha. I quickly opened the box & we looked at everything. Very first thought - is it legal to have this many needles without a medical degree?! Second thought - boy do the needles look A LOT bigger than the ones we saw in training.. yikes!

I called & left message w/ Nancy - my amazing RE nurse - to confirm if anything needed to be refrigerated, lest that be the reason IVF fails. I went shopping during my lunch break and before I walked into the store she called me back. Told me to refrigerate the Gonal and advised she got both my pap smear results I faxed couple of days ago & the verification from lawyer that we signed Co Parenting Legal Conract on Wednesday. Sweet - almost all requriements have been met. Ugh - we still have to get Stark's blood test (to make sure he has no diseases) and submit the consent forms (which have to be signed by a 3rd party). I mentioned how I haven't gotten my period yet & it should have been at least a week or so ago. She asked if I could be pregnant which I said I doubt it since we've been using protection (at Dr. ML's suggestion due to risk of tubal pregnancy). She suggested I do a PT to make sure b/c stranger things have happened. Well, low & behold... I got my period while shopping! Oh and I just had to ask about percentage of IVF working the first time. She said I'd have to discuss statistics with Dr. ML, but my chances are good. That put a big smile on my face then thought ... "she probably says that to everyone".

Wait. OMG. My IVF protocol states I start the meds the second day of my cycle. Now what? Do we start our 1st IVF? We were assuming I'd get my period a couple of weeks ago & start in late June, early July. This timing is not planned nor really discussed. Called Stark - were both sort of "I dunno" when discussing starting the protocol. I decided to call Nancy & find out if we're even allowed to start it considering the blood test & consent forms are not completed. Holy moly - it's Friday & the office closes early so I get the answering service. Random nurse calls me back within 5 minutes (whew) & says they really have to have everything before proceeding; however, says we can go ahead & start if Stark comes in Monday for blood test & we bring consent forms to first suppression check. Hmmmmmm.... this is dizzying. We decide to wait until July. It's just too stressful & chaotic to start this time. Thankfully, we are both ok with this. Just breathe.
Welcome to our 1st ever blog! It's a little intimidating, yet very exciting.... such a wonderful & cool way to journal our IVF, plus anything & everything in between! I'm not sure exactly what we will post, but I suspect they will sometimes be funny, sometimes serious, sometimes detailed, sometimes random. Enjoy the ride!